Framing the Dialogue

Spit Hits The Fan

The latest report from the World Health Organization will make you swallow, but SHOULD you?  In a report released Monday the organization warned that there is a direct link between swallowing saliva and death.  Based on a study by 22 scientists from the WHO’s International Agency for Research on Death in Lying, France they have concluded that a lifetime of spit consumption will ultimately lead to death.

the leek 1The agency’s findings revealed that: “For an individual, the risk of developing the fatal condition of death because of their consumption of their own saliva may be small, but this risk increases with the amount of spit consumed and how long spit is consumed,” said Dr Kurt Lugie, head of the IARC Monographs Programme. “In view of the large number of people who swallow their own spit, the global impact on the incidence of death is of public health importance.”

The experts scoured through more than 800 studies from several continents and found that in one hundred percent of the cases studied continual swallowing of saliva ultimately causes death.  “The scary part of the spit-death syndrome, as it’s now being called, is that we are not sure how to predict when or how death will occur.  Sometimes death comes after 90 or more years, sometimes after only a tragic few years.” say Dr. Morry Applebaum of the Institute For Oral Liquid Studies in Hungary.

The report did sit well with the makers of smokeless tobacco.  “We certainly advocated for folks not to swallow their spit.  Our products are designed to make swallowing an unpleasant sensation.” offered Will E. Coyot of the Tobacco Advocates Institute.  “Hell use whatever empty container you have available and let if fly…it’s what we believe.  And it turns out you may live longer or not even die at all.”

thomas-alva-edison-spittoonNeedless to say, though I am going to say it, the report is somewhat controversial.  “I’ve never heard of someone dying because of spit,” quipped Sarah Gland, a random person we found wandering around. “Everything always causes cancer or death all the time. My family are the biggest saliva swallowers and my grandmother passed away at 101 years old. She lived for so long and she was the biggest saliva swappers, often French kissing total strangers to get more spit.”

Is this just another sensationalist study to spark controversy and secure funding for further studies?  Should you reduce the amount of spit you swallow?  Will you die at some point because you consume your spit?  Does swapping spit with others lead to death also?  How much spit does a person swallow in a lifetime?  Why does swallowing the goober in your throat when you have a cold never seem to make the throat oyster actually go away?  Is it like on a elastic strand or something?

All these questions scream to be answered!

Leave a comment

Use basic HTML (<a href="">, <strong>, <blockquote>)