Framing the Dialogue

PC Guide to Holidays

As the Easter holiday (Holy Day) approaches there are stories about how secularists are attempting to “PC” the holiday. Perhaps the saddest story was a Seattle school that reportedly diminished an Easter egg hunt by renaming the eggs as “Spring Spheres.” Spring Spheres! How silly is this? Can there be any holiday symbol more secular than a rabbit that somehow lays colorful eggs filled with candy? I just don’t see any connection between the bunny and either Passover or Jesus dying on the cross. Another thing that bugged me was the whole “sphere” label. Perhaps calling an egg-shaped object a “sphere” is illustrative of the decline of our public learning institutions. It should have been called a “Spring Ovoid.” I’m just saying!

To carry on their folly I thought that we should go through the holidays (just what I call the “big ten” as they are observed by banks and government) and see if their observance rituals need tweaked for today’s world. Actually they would probably want to change the term “holiday” as it is way too close to “Holy day.” Perhaps they could be called “Man-made Kinetic Celebratory Restful Days.”

  • New Year’s Day: This holiday is pretty secular already so no changes are necessary. We could actually eliminate this holiday and replace it with Earth Day (April 22). New Year’s Day is actually pretty close to Christmas and there is that long stretch between Martin Luther King, Jr. Day and Memorial Day where we could use a break. It’s just a suggestion.
  • President’s Day: George Washington and Abraham Lincoln each used to get their own holidays, but theirs were combined under one umbrella as President’s Day. President’s Day really minimizes the essence of our two greatest presidents, Washington and Lincoln, who respectively could have taken control of a nation in its infancy or allowed it to splinter into a series of nation-states. Children no longer seem to be taught about their greatness anyway. George Washington had wooden teeth, owned slaves, and was married to Martha. Abraham Lincoln really didn’t want emancipation, was gay, and had any number of diseases.
  • Martin Luther King, Jr. Day: Untouchable unless it becomes common knowledge that he was a Republican and he believed in personal responsibility at which time he may have to be reconfigured as an “Uncle Tom” and replaced with either Malcolm X or BHO.
  • Memorial Day: This is the day where we remember those who gave their lives in defense of America. Hopefully our president will not see the dead as he did in 2008;

“On this Memorial Day, as our nation honors its unbroken line of fallen heroes –and I see many of them in the audience here today –our sense of patriotism is particularly strong.”

That seems to me like a mistake someone would make who is NOT honoring fallen heroes as much as reading a canned speech. And the main-stream media would have us believe that he is perhaps the “smartest” president. As the progressives push for power their first step will be to rename Memorial Day to “Imperialism Day” to represent what they consider our meddling into the affairs of other nations. They will ban “racist” NASCAR events from the holiday and eventually eliminate the holiday completely.

  • Independence Day: This is a tough one for progressives. It is already a secular holiday and trying to make any changes to one of the most popular holidays would be tough. A first step would be to diminish the significance of the July 4 date and make it a “Monday” holiday. Once removed from its historical perspective they’d be able to tweak it over the next few decades as the further demonize our Founding Fathers as “rich white men.”
  • Labor Day: Untouchable unless it is to expand. Perhaps it can become “Labor Week” and everyone can have the week off except those who provide critical functions who will get paid triple time and get to choose another week to take off. This worked in Europe until it didn’t.
  • Columbus Day: In 1492 Columbus sailed the ocean blue…and brought forth ruin to natives as white Europeans decimated local populations. This is an interesting quandary for the progressives. This holiday is cherished by Italian-Americans who still seem to hold sway over unions and politicians. This one may be untouchable.
  • Veterans Day: This is where BHO should have mentioned that he saw many of them in the audience today. This will be untouchable until most WWII veterans are gone to be celebrated by Imperialist Day in May. After that it can be tweaked and maybe renamed “United Nations Day” to honor that “great” organization controlled by petty third-world dictators.
  • Thanksgiving: Although this holiday has been fairly secularized its celebration still harkins back to the discovery and emigration of people in search of religious freedom. I am sure that aspect is no longer taught in most public schools. What they cannot get away from, however, is that it is a celebration of giving thanks. Thanks to whom? Perhaps God? Putting parades and football games aside there is still a solemn, religious undertone to this holiday.
  • Christmas: There have been numerous attempts to secularize this holiday. Santa, flying reindeer, and funny elves have replaced St. Nicholas, Christ’s birth, and salvation. Renaming hasn’t worked as many folks reject the “Xmas” label. Stores that had policies where employees offered “happy holiday” greetings instead of “Merry Christmas” were criticized and in some cases boycotted. Schools have “Winter Breaks” and offer “Winter Concerts” and even prevent the use of red and green colors on cookies and classroom décor. Atheists and ACLU have their annual spate of lawsuits to ban manger scenes from public property as officials try to adhere to American traditions. Christmas is perhaps the most difficult for progressives to secularize. It won’t be impossible as changes have been forced into society.

Progressives are like termites as they work beneath the surface until the foundation collapses. When an exterminator is brought in to deal with the problem they retreat under ground to continue their destruction. They are patient and persistent. Their biggest problem is that when they gain power they get greedy and gorge themselves waking up the otherwise sleeping electorate.

Some holidays Progressive would like to see:

Earth Day: This is already celebrated, but they would like to see it as a national holiday and Al “the planet has a fever” Gore can be the symbol.

United Nations Day: Progressives love any organization that hates America and there is perhaps no larger example that the United Nations.

ICC Day: This will celebrate the International Criminal Court’s first incursion into American sovereignty by arresting and prosecuting a United States official. They’d love it to be Dick Cheney.

Choice Day: This is in honor of the more than 30 million “choices” to have children terminated. In honor of the “choice” you may select any day of the year to celebrate and you have up until late September to make your choice.

Presidents Day: I know that this exists; however the focus will be directed away from Washington and Lincoln and replaced by Wilson, FDR, and Obama. They’ll skip Clinton much to his dismay.

Soros Day: This will celebrate the day when there is one global government controlled by billionaires who’ll decide everything. Citizens will be encouraged to speak halting, broken English to appear less menacing and not scare the children.

Bushoween: This won’t be a national holiday, but will replace Halloween. W will be the symbol and rather than giving candy, tax-or-treaters will steal into people’s homes to take what they need giving Devil’s Night a whole new meaning. Children will also be encouraged to share information with government officials if their parents discuss unpatriotic subjects in the privacy of their homes.

May an all-knowing, all-seeing, omnipotent, immortal, loving being help us!

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