Framing the Dialogue

When my children were growing up, we participated in their activities.  My wife and I did the scout thing (both boys and girls) as den leaders, helped organize holiday events, did book fairs, volunteered as band parents, and lots of sports activities.  All of our children played soccer and I often volunteered to help coach.  As they got older and better, I was encouraged to take classes and get a license to coach.

It was a great experience and I learned a lot about how to teach skills to players who were often better and faster than me.  The more I practiced and worked with the children, the better I got and better they got.  In our community, as the players got older, the league would conduct try-outs and place players on teams according to their ability.  Our first child was not interested in this process and just liked to play soccer.  He didn’t go through the try-outs and was placed on a “C” team (“A” teams have the best players).

My second child was different and participated in two days of try-outs when she was in sixth grade.  She was fast and good and made the “B” team.  She worked hard, spent extra time practicing and made the “A” team the following year.  Her hard work paid off.  There were a number of girls who moved up to the “A” team and some who moved down to the “B” team.  Some of those girls did not like the “demotion” and subsequently quit playing soccer.

When our youngest child was coming up through soccer, I was coaching again.  The coaches and the head of the division communicated via e-mails.  In her age group, she played with girls her age (fifth graders) and girls a year younger.  In a series of e-mails, some of the coaches were pushing to move up the try-outs to this earlier level.  They were suggesting that we start the process (I would call it weaning) with younger and younger children.

Having experienced the try-out process with her older sister, I had some strong feelings about the process.  Once kids are placed on a higher-level team, they tended to practice more and get exposed to better players on the opposition.  That was great for them, but the ones who did not make the “A” team tended to get the opposite.  The “A” players tended to stay on that team.  Separation happened.

I am not one of those parents who believe that every player gets a trophy “just for participating,” but everyone should get a shot.  I argued that it was far too early to start separating kids based on skills.  This was a community club soccer league and there were other opportunities in classic leagues if you wanted your child to play at a higher level. 

Having coached, I noticed that player’s skill levels changed.  A player who kicked butt in the fall would sometimes not be as dominant the next spring.  Other players caught up or matured/grew over the winter.  Those who agreed with me got our way and we delayed the try-outs until the older age level.  My third daughter was like my son and preferred not to try-out and just play.

Fast-forward five years and I started reading Outliers
.  In this book, Malcom Gladwell provides data that actually support my feelings about the soccer try-outs.  Outliers is about the story of successful people and factors that contributed to their success.  Most success stories focus on the “intelligence and ambition” of the subjects.  Gladwell theorizes that we should “spend more time looking around them – at such things as their family, their birthplace, or even their birth date.  The story of success is more complex – and a lot more interesting.”  Maybe “A” players stay “A” players because they get more opportunity and practice.  That is my experience.

Malcolm Gladwell contrasts such notable successful people as Bill Gates and rice farmers in China.  One of the rice farmers’ idioms is “Don’t depend on heaven for food, but on your own two hands carrying the load.”  Bill Gates is a brilliant man, but he had many unique opportunities that contributed to his success and he worked hard.