A funny thing happened when I was recently looking to buy my first Obamagear t-shirt. I was interested in finding a unique shirt, but I just could not find what I was looking for. Should I go for the “believe” shirt or opt for the classic “Yes We Can?” I was actually leaning more toward the “Yes We Did” design.
As I was looking at web sites, I was pleased to find that I could buy all of my Obamagear easily at the NBC News Apparel web site. I could even purchase a bobblehead (there has to be a joke there), a collection of campaign photographs, and my favorite the Obama Action Figure. Unable to wait any longer, I dashed off my order.
Ok, you got me this is obviously a work of fiction…or is it? You know that I would never order any Obamagear so that part is not true, but NBC actually sells Obamagear. It is not just on sale at the NBC site, the gear is actually marketed on the NBC News section of the site. NBC NEWS SELLS OBAMAGEAR! Many of us knew that the main stream media was in the tank for Obama, but this is just too much. It would be funny if it were not so scary.
It is bad enough that General Electric (owners of NBC, MSNBC, etc.) shills for Obama while it accepts billions in tax subsidies, but marketing and selling Obamagear is just too blatant. There should be a rule that they may no longer call NBC News news. Why not NBC Views?
Since NBC News has been steadily losing ratings and obviously needs additional revenue I had some additional Obamaproducts that they can market:
Why not indoctrinate your son at a very early age while you potty-train him. Give your son hope so that you’ll no longer have to change him with Obama Potty Targets. Your son will love aiming at these environmentally friendly potty targets.
Get your son to “aim please” and eliminate those nasty diapers. Your son will be proud when you show him that Yes He Can pee in a potty. For each ten packs of potty targets Al Gore will personally plant a tree in some third-world country. It is also recommended that you teach your son not to flush if he only makes a yellow.
Once the kiddies are a little older, you can stimulate their creativity with a children’s classic. To celebrate our nation’s first black president, skip the Mr. Potato Head and be the first on your block to have the Mr. Obama Head. This is for children over the age of three due to the small parts (except for the ears which were actually made proportionally accurate).
Made from recycled plastic water bottles to make you feel like you are really helping the environment even though you really know that it takes more energy to reprocess the plastic. Rumour is that each package contains a coupon for a discount on the new Joe Biden pull string action figure that features over 50 national secrets that he will reveal with each pull of the string.
Are you affraid of speaking in front of large crowds? Do you have trouble making eye contact when you address the masses? Do you sometimes forget your message? Does speaking off-the-cuff often get you in trouble? Are you tired of reading your PowerPoint presentations (don’t tell Al Gore)? Have no fear, we are offering three different models of Obamaprompters that can fit any budget.
These models feature crystal clear screens, networking (in case one fails), and a wide base to prevent them from being knocked over by the wind. If you purchase two or more teleprompters within the next seven days you will receive a free tutorial by TOTUS.
Many of us struggle with excess weight, but not our president! Maybe it is that fact that he is a heavy smoker, maybe it is the stress of a long political career (haha), maybe it is having a vibrant marriage with Michelle. If you want to learn his secrets, you have to buy The Obama Diet. Our president is doing his part to help you lose weight by crippling the economy so you will not have as much money for food.
Learn the recipes that they use for their weekly cocktail parties with common ingredients like Kobe beef, champagne, and caviar. Tailor your exercise program with Barack’s favorites like dodging questions, ducking the tough inquiries, playing softball with the main stream media, and backpedaling from campaign promises.
It is not enough to show your support of Barack Obama’s historic presidency by simply putting some bumper stickers on your car. Who will know your ideology when you are not driving your car? Obamagear is proud to help you out with the all new Obama Temporary Tattoos. Show your pride, but they do wear off in case you have to like get a job working for some capitalist who is obviously greedy and only concerned with profits.
You will get four full sheets of temporary tattoos featuring eight different designs per sheet. As a bonus, we have included a “surprise” sheet with some of President Obama’s most famous campaign promises including; “I’ll post every piece of legislation for five days,” “If we pass the STIMULUS our unemployment rate will not go above 8 percent,” “I’ll eliminate earmarks,” “I’ll change the way things are done in Washington,” and my favorite “Don’t cling to your Bibles and guns.”
Hurry and be the first in your neighborhood to order these tattoos. Get an extra pack for your children. They will be very popular with their college professors.
If you are like the rest of us and are very worried about your financial future, we have the answer for you. Squirrel away what is left of your paychecks in this handy (and secure) change bank. Obamabanks are made from a very special alloy steel that can take very high heat. Since our currency is headed toward serious devaluation, you can melt down your change for the value of the metal.
We recommend one bank for each denomination of coin. At our house we have been saving our pennies since they were actually made of copper. You may also use the coin bank to melt old jewelry, tooth fillings (gold or silver), or any other precious metal. Order extra banks for your children to encourage them to look for loose change in couches, parking lots, or even pay phones. A family that saves together gets to eat a meal together…maybe.
We save the best and our most popular product for last. Have you ever made a very big mistake in judgement? Was it in front of all of the world to see? You know that you cannot take back what you did, but how much would it be worth to you for a chance to hide your mistake from the world?
If your car is covered with Obama propaganda and your are having a serious case of buyers regret, this product is for you. Pull you Prius or Subaru into your garage, close the doors, and apply Goo Gone to all of your Obama bumper stickers. This product is highly recommended by many Republicans who had “W 2004” stickers on their cars.
For those stubborn Obama stickers that just will NOT come off, we have a limited supply of “Hillary 08” stickers if various sizes that can be used to cover your Obama stickers. We also have various sizes of these “no” symbols with a transparent background that can be placed over any Obama sticker and quickly make you appear like you were actually on the “RIGHT” side of the issues.
Let us all send NBC an e-mail (or a hundred) thanking them for their service bringing us unbiased news for so many years. Those years were probably decades ago, but who are we to complain? You may want to send a few messages to General Electric too.
Update: Due to popular demand our staff and designers have been working hard to bring you more Obamagear products. Enjoy!
Obamanopoly is the hot new board game in Washington, Los Angles, New York, and apparently Vermont although it has not been selling anywhere else in the country. This is Chicago politics version of the classic Parker Brothers game. The traditional Chance and Community Chest have been replaced with Change and Community Organizer cards. You no longer have a chance to win money when you take your card. The cards only feature different ways to spread the wealth.
Free Parking has been replaced by Free Health Care so instead of winning money, you are required to pay 50 percent of the amount of money you have much like the Luxury Tax space. The makers of Obamanopoly have replaced the street names on the spaces with series including Unions (SEIU, UAW, and AFL), Community Organizers (ACORN – the replaces both Boardwalk and Park Place), and World Leaders (Castro, Chavez, and Ortega). The game pieces have also be revamped and include a voting machine, a Marine One helicopter (much like the gift shop model our President gave to the Prime Minister of England), a pack of cigarettes, a teleprompter, and a mini Rahm Emanuel (though that may be redundant).
Get Out of Jail, Free Cards: Two of these cards are included in the Obamanopoly game, but due to the number of Obama supporters that may need these, we are offering boxes of fifty, one hundred or a special D.C. value pack of five thousand. If you order in the next 20 minutes and use the offer code “ACORN” we will double the offer for the same price. You just have to pay the additional shipping and handling.
We are offering a limited edition autographed set of cards for the discerning collector. The Washington edition includes the signatures of Congressman William Jefferson, Barney Frank, Rod Blagojevich, Bill Clinton, New Jersey gov. Jon Corzine, and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid. We also have a special Hollywood edition featuring autographs of Chris Brown, OJ Simpson, Hugh Grant, Lindsay Lohan, Mel Gibson, and Stephen Stills.
Due to the popularity of our Get Out of Jail cards, we are offering a set of similar cards for those of you who do not quite pay all of your taxes and may want to get a job in the White House or become an elected official. Order your Get Out of Taxes Free cards. These cards have been specially developed for tax evaders and we have printed some useful excuses on the back for you to use for not paying your taxes including; “TurboTax did it,” “the tax laws are too complicated,” or my favorite from Tom Daschle the simple “I made a mistake.”
The first family have donned the covers of many fashion magazines in recent months so we decided to offer some of the most popular items so that you too can look like the Obamas. President Obama caused quite a stir when he threw out the first pitch at the most recent Major League Baseball All-Star Game. The buzz was not about his throw, but the jeans that he wore that night. Now you can own your very own pair of Barack Obama Mom Jeans. These specialty jeans fasten above your navel so no “crackin” when you bend over. Celebrities are lining up to buy these jeans. “I just love these jeans. I’ve added the suspenders for a little personalization.” said Steve Erkel and added, “I also like the fact that my pant legs don’t get wet if I am in some water.” Buy both the gathered sports jacket (sold separately) and the Mom Jeans and we will ship them for free within 10 miles of our warehouse location.
And just in time for Halloween, we are offering the unofficial White House Make Up Kit. This promises to be one of the scariest costumes available this season. Dress your munchkin like this joker and your neighbors will be forced to spread their wealth (candy). Also available in Karl Marx, Josef Stalin, Jimmy Carter, and perennial favorite Fidel Castro.