Framing the Dialogue

New Administration left with little time to curb threat

Route 66 (USA) – When the previous administration took office in a decade ago, the crisis was a modest problem that was easy to ignore. Now it is a ticking time bomb that the new administration cannot avoid.  Time is close to running out, and they know it.

“The time for delay is over; the time for denial is over,” the new executive said on Tuesday after meeting with former officials. “We all believe what the scientists have been telling us for years now that this is a matter of urgency and national security and it has to be dealt with in a serious way.”

But there are powerful political and economic realities that must be quickly overcome for efforts to succeed. Despite the urgency he expresses, it’s not at all clear that he and other officials will agree on an approach in time to meet some of the more crucial deadlines on the heals of a worldwide financial crisis.

After years of inaction 2009 might be different. The new administration replaces an executive who opposed mandatory increases of highway rest stops.  It appears he will have a willing legislature. Also, next year, diplomats will try to agree on a major new international treaty to curb the disposal of the nasty materials.
“We need to start in January making significant changes,” an unnamed official said in a recent telephone interview with the press. “This year coming up is the most important opportunity the world has ever had to make progress in really solving the Pee Bomb crisis.”

Scientists are increasingly anxious, talking more often and more urgently about exceeding “bladder tipping points.”  “We’re out of time,” a famous university biologist t said. “Things are going to stink.”

U.S. pee bomb litter has increased by 20 percent since 1992. China has more than doubled its output in that time. The amount of pee along the side of the road has already pushed past what some scientists say is the safe level.  Scientists fear that what’s happening with rising pee levels will be amplified so that an ominous sea level rise will occur sooner than they expected.

Complicating everything is the worldwide financial meltdown. A Washington waste specialist and spokesman who represents truckers, sees the poor economy as “a huge factor” that could stop everything. “Truckers have more pressure to keep driving and don’t have as many places to relieve themselves so they feel the bomb is their only option” he said.  “The pressure is worse on female drivers as bomb filling is not as easy for them.”  He called for wider mouth bottles.

The new executive has said that one of the first things he will do when he gets to Washington is grant California and other states permission to control vehicle litter enforcement, something the previous administration denied.

And though congressional action may take time, the incoming officials will be more inclined to act on pee bombing. “Why do they have to throw the bottles onto our roadways,” a frustrated official stated in a recent interview.  “Our public works crews have to pick up the disgusting bottles of urine.”

Mother Nature and business, of course, are oblivious to the government’s machinations. Truckers need to stay properly hydrated and we know what goes in must, eventually, come out.  “Maybe the offenders can just hold on to the bottles until they reach a rest stop where they can flush it down” a public works spokesperson said.  “We have to end this crisis before it becomes more critical and leading to devastation and the end of the Earth.  Nobody wants that.”

Note:  This was adapted from a recent crisis article from a nameless major news organization.  Anything can be scary if you frame the dialogue properly.  Pee bombs are, however, disgusting!

One CommentsLeave one

  1. Kevin says:

    I love the part about the wider mouth bottles. Reading this article cheered me up (and I was in a pretty good mood before). Well done!

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