Framing the Dialogue

…In Spamalot!

Here we are a full 10,000 spams since my last spam post…milestones!  I hope that you enjoy these interesting/weird messages I get with spam.  As long as spammers post silly spam I will share with you their insights, poor English, compliments, and their attempts to lure me into their porn sites.  This collection is the best(or worst) of the best from Akismet’s 10,000 caught spam since my last 5,000 caught spam and in order to  maintain my journalistic integrity, I don’t embellish or fix their spelling; that also makes it easier to make fun of them.  I got the title from this picture I found when “researching” my last spam post.  I love Monty Python’s Flying Circus.

December 14, 2010:  “Tired of obtaining low amounts of useless visitors to your website?”  [YES! Starting with your useless visit and I don’t want to buy Vi@gra – as if spelling it that way fools filters]

December 20, 2010:  “For want of a nail the shoe was lost; for want of a shoe the horse was lost; and for want of a horse the man was lost.” [Spamilosophy]

December 25, 2010:  “Hey Blogger,Merry Christmas!”  [Hey Spammer, Right Back Atcha!]

December 28, 2010:  “The oldest documentary evidence for circumcision comes from ancient Egypt.”  [Oy Vey! or maybe that’s what “walk like an Egyptian means.]

December 29, 2010:  “U make me happy” [xoxoxoxo]

January 1, 2011:  Happy New Year! [That’s from me]

January 1, 2011:  “Fed up with obtaining low amounts of useless visitors for your website? [here is a spammer trying to sell me something to prevent spam like his from getting through – sounds like a poor business model]

January 18, 2011:  “Really Gr8 !”  [Did not know that Tony the Tiger was still kicking]

January 25, 2011:  “Nice work Brian you obviously put a lot of work into it. Lets hope 2010 is as fruitful for you.”  [I’m not Brian and it’s 2011]

January 30, 2011:  “Can I just say what a relief to find someone who actually knows what theyre talking about on the internet. You undoubtedly know easy methods to bring a problem to light and make it important. Extra folks need to learn this and understand this facet of the story. I cant consider youre not more in style since you undoubtedly have the gift.” [Why oh why did this have to be spam about a two year old post?]

February 2, 2011:  “The next time I learn a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as a lot as this one. I mean, I know it was my option to read, however I actually thought youd have one thing interesting to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about one thing that you could fix for those who werent too busy in search of attention.” [OUCH!]

February 6, 2011:  “hi”  [A very nice spam.  Simple, to the point, didn’t try to sell me anything or convince me that parts of my anatomy needed enlarging…hi back at you]

February 14, 2011:  “OMG! It is like you recognize my mind!” [I am not good with names, but I always seem to remember minds]

March 10, 2011:  “This must become your best writing ever!”  [This should sound like a compliment, but the post to which it referred was only a photograph…no writing.  Slammed by spam]

March 16, 2011:  “Yo this site comes out really wack looking in my Opera browser, looks fine in Iexplorer though.”  [I think “wack” is bad or is that “whack” because he started with “Yo” so he is obviously more hip than I am.  My response would be to use whichever browser you like best…just keep coming back]

March 22, 2011:  “I have a query for you. Would you mind exchanging blog roll hyperlinks? That will be actually neat!”  [This comment was offered by a “psychic” so I didn’t need to respond…hard to believe that a mystical person would use the word “neat.”]

April 5, 2011:  “The trouble with the Internet is that it is changing masturbation as a leisure activity.”  [I really have to remember to turn off my webcam]

April 15, 2011:  “With all the bit of all right floating about on the grille, it is a top mutation of measure to skim a placement like yours instead.”  [Perhaps he should spring for the better translation software]

April 22, 2011:  “Да уж сколько людей столько и мнений!”  [Nyet!]

April 30, 2011:  “Brilliant writing until now.” [A spammer with a mean streak]

May 26, 2011:  “An stimulating post is importance word. I believe that you should scrawl further on this text, it might nay be a ban liable still commonly populate are hardly enough to utter on such points. To the following. Truly !” [Yoda is that you?  The force be strong in this one it is]

It is getting harder and harder to find spam to make fun of, so it might be a while to the next episode of Spamalot!

One CommentsLeave one

  1. Mormor says:

    I took the liberty of borrowing your fantastic illustration.
    I gave credit to you and your blog.

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