In yet another attack on controversial mascots, the Duke Blue Devil has been put in the crosshairs of a group claiming the devil is hurtful. Â Lucifer Smythe, a demon from the blue man coven, said recently, “Everytime I watch college hoops I gotta see this oversized Blue Devil on television. Â I find this representation of my blue devilish heritage offensive!” Â Asked whether he and the other two members of his coven were going to file a lawsuit he answered, “We’ve been in touch with the Southern Poverty Law Center and the ACLU and they think we may have a case. I’d like to give Duke a chance to fix this without going to court, though I’d like to make some money out of this.”
The Hillary Clinton 2020 campaign seems to have gathered some steam on Friday when anonymous sources leaked that the 2006 failed candidate signed a big money deal with the company BleachBit. Â The company was little-known until Clinton’s staff used the software to wipe her electronic devices clean even though they were under court order to preserve them. Â “it seemed like a natural fit for us as she really put us on the map” said an executive of the company who did not want to be named
New York City:Â Hoping to cash in on the seemingly endless whining after President Donald Trump’s historic election, iconic franchise, Build A Bear, will be featuring a new line of “bear” products, Build A Bare.Â “These Bares will allow the many victims of the Trump Presidency cope with their grief and having lost so spectacularly in November.” said marketing VP, Madonna Judd.Â She went on to explain that “we probably won’t be selling these in stores throughout the country, but will focus on the larger cities like Washington, DC, Los Angeles, Chicago, Boston, Philadelphia, and Hollywood.Â That’s where are market seems to be and we expect to make a killing.” Madonna Judd noted.Â “I have thought a lot about this product blowing up.”
Washington, DC:Â The Leek News Service has learned that the “fake news” service, The Onion, has filed a federal lawsuit against CNN for infringement on their long-standing fake news practice.Â The lawsuit alleges that CNN has violated The Onion’s news genre of fake news by continually spreading fake news.Â “CNN’s continued use of fake news in its broadcasts is a clear infringement on our schtick” offered an unnamed Onion source.Â “CNN’s fake news has damaged our ability to write our fake news and makes it hard for our readers to really know which of our stories are fake.”
The latest report fromÂ the World Health Organization will make you swallow, but SHOULD you?Â In a report releasedÂ Monday the organization warned that there is a direct link between swallowing saliva and death.Â Based on a study by 22 scientists from the WHOâ€™s International Agency for Research on DeathÂ in Lying, France they have concluded that a lifetime of spit consumption will ultimately lead to death.
In an unprecedented move the Obama White House has decided to become even more transparent than previously.Â Long considered by President Obama to be the most open administration ever he has now taken steps to be even more accessible to the White House Press Corps.Â Press Secretary Jay Carney announced the following measures late Friday night:
- Press photographers will still not be allowed into most events to take photographs, but the White House Ministry of Communication will make additional photographs available upon written request and seven dayâ€™s notice unless â€œexecutive privilegeâ€ applies.
Many of the great unwashed have been waiting over three years for the Affordable Care Act, affectionately known as Obamacare, to provide not only better health care, but free health care for many.Â Their enthusiasm for the free stuff overwhelmed the $600,000,000.00 website that has been under design for most of those years.Â Many frustrated folks have expressed concern that the website allowed them to enter all of their personal information, but when it came time to get their lower insurance quotes thinks fell apart and few were actually able to sign up.Â An Obama administration official, who was not authorized to speak on the record, tried to calm those expecting free or cheap health insurance noting that “people don’t have to worry if they already set up an account and entered all of their personal and health information.Â The IRS now knows all of this and will easily be able to find you.Â These folks will be sure to get theirs!”