New York City: Hoping to cash in on the seemingly endless whining after President Donald Trump’s historic election, iconic franchise, Build A Bear, will be featuring a new line of “bear” products, Build A Bare. “These Bares will allow the many victims of the Trump Presidency cope with their grief and having lost so spectacularly in November.” said marketing VP, Madonna Judd. She went on to explain that “we probably won’t be selling these in stores throughout the country, but will focus on the larger cities like Washington, DC, Los Angeles, Chicago, Boston, Philadelphia, and Hollywood. That’s where are market seems to be and we expect to make a killing.” Madonna Judd noted. “I have thought a lot about this product blowing up.”
The new “Bare” seems to resemble Obama, but the company denies any attempt at using his likeness, but they note that the “gender” of the Bare can change based on what the stuffed animal identifies with on any given day. The suit is optional for an additional cost. As you may know that the traditional bear comes with a heart which the owner places inside the plush figure before it is stuffed and sewn shut.
For the Bare, however, the company will not offer hearts, “as that would be inauthentic to the clients who we expect to purchase these Bares.” noted Madonna Judd, “These folks don’t have real hearts so we will be offering condoms, lumps of coal, miniature violins, rubber brains, etc. to stuff into the product. Folks will also be able to bring in their own, non-perishable, items in which to stuff in the bare.” noted Judd. “We will probably be also stuffing them with facial tissue as we expect our clients to be wailing for the next 48 months and probably even 96 months.”