A SHORT, POINTED SENTENCE THAT EXPRESSES A WISE, OR CLEVER OBSERVATION OR A GENERAL TRUTH.
1. The nicest thing about the future is…that it always starts tomorrow.
2. Money will buy a fine dog…but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
3. If you don’t have a sense of humor…you probably don’t have any sense at all.
4. Seat belts are not as confining…as wheelchairs.
5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is…when you’re in deep water.
6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark…to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
7. Business conventions are important…because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
8. Why is it that at class reunions…you feel younger than everyone else looks?
9. Scratch a cat (or dog)…and you will have a permanent job.
10. No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy (or girl)…who wants to buy a car.
11. There are no new sins…the old ones just get more publicity.
12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a.m…like, it could be the right number.
13. No one ever says “It’s only a game”…when their team is winning.
14. I’ve reached the age where…’happy hour’ is a nap.
15. Be careful about reading the fine print…there’s no way you’re going to like it.
16. The trouble with bucket seats is that…not everybody has the same size bucket.
17. Do you realize that, in about 40 years…we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? (And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)
18. Money can’t buy happiness…but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than in a Yugo.
19. After 60, if you don’t wake up aching in every joint…you’re probably dead.
20. Always be yourself because the people that matter don’t mind…and the ones that mind don’t matter.
21. Life isn’t tied with a bow…but it’s still a gift.
As usual I have a few to add…
22. The person who smiles in the face of adversary…has thought of someone else to blame.
23. In any organization the person who works hard and well…is often rewarded with more work not more rewards.
24. In a house full of people…no one used the last ________ (piece of toilet paper, ice cube, et cetera)
25. People who are always late…never seem to understand that they need to start a few minutes sooner.
26. People often get together to catch up with friends…and go to noisy bars or restaurants where they really cannot catch up.
27. A full, clean dishwasher…induces a profound ability to make a dirty dish tower.
28. The way to a man’s heart maybe through his stomach…but there is another organ that is a better place to start.
29. The official name of any piece of legislation…is only what they want you to think the legislation achieves.
30. The center is where all politicians campaign…though they seldom stay there if they win.